It’s been a while since I blogged. Life has consumed up all of my time. I have gained new friends, learned new things about my body, changed for the better. Graduation is in 9 days, graduation from COLLEGE. I remember being a little girl like it was yesterday. And now I’m all grown up. Well, almost. So many things are going to happen this year. I have so many goals to reach, so many plans in mind. With God’s guidance, I will achieve them all, I will prosper. I can’t wait.
When i speak do you listen? Or do you just hear? Do my words run across from ear to ear, or linger in your mind? Are they analyzed? When i pour out my soul body and mind, What causes you to ignore the words that i make clear? Is it fear?….
All i want is to love you forever, and for you to do the same w/ me. My heart and mind are getting impatient. Im questioning if you really want to be with me forever. I shed tears knowing that we may not be on same page anymore. Conversations of marriage dont come up anymore. My world revolves around YOU. Ive finally found something i am entirely passionate about and Im ready to give it my all. We’re perfect, youre perfect. My worth is more than just a diamond ring, I don’t want the fancy shoes, or the big honeymoon. But I’m worth the devotion. The dedication. The promise from you that you swear to love me for eternity. & the day Im given the offer to be your wife, is the day my life will start to change. The day I can go from saying “girlfriend” to “fiancee” to “wife”…thats all I want. Keep the cars, the clothes, the money. I want you. As my husband.
Today is such a bittersweet feeling. It’s my first day of my last semester in college. I know i’m jumping the gun because I still have FOUR MONTHS before graduation, and I have a bad habit of living in the future, however, it’s still exciting. I’m already thinking about what life is going to be like after 4 years of non stop studying. I’ll have my “Bachelors in Accounting”..ooh that sound nice :)
Anywho, I’m already thinking about what I wanna do, where I wanna go, what hobbies I’m going to pick up. I’ll be pondering this until them….until I complete my journey and walk across the stage, kind like home plate in a baseball game, it’s going to bring such a sense of accomplishment. I’m so excited for myself.
The last few years have been lonely. I am in love with an amazing man, but there are conversations that I cannot share with him, moments that are not as fun with him. & that is perfectly normal, because he’s a man and I’m a woman, and men and women do not share the EXACT same interests or passions. I can’t call him and tell him about a dream I had about Chris Brown (lol) or about the color I want to paint my nails next. I mean I can, but it wont be the same…
And so that is where the loneliness comes in…
Things have changed in 2011..a person in my life has given me hope on friendship again. This woman is so amazing and so intelligent. There are not many people that I can vibe on the level that we do. Her mentality is different from others, the way she speaks, talks, walks, different from a LOT of girls i know. I’m starting to sound just a tad lesbo, but I love the shit out of this girl. She’s heard me cry, and I’ve heard her cry. Honesty goes a long way with us. I take her judgmental comments as constructive criticism, not instult. I never knew in a million years that I’d label her my best friend. But I have. It was scary, but I did. I’ve had my ‘heart broken’, if that’s what its considered, by a friend before. And as God closed one door, he opened another, with her…..Im excited for our journey.
Now this is totally opposite from the typical shit, of these stereotypes created by my own generation. 4 years in… and im ready, forced to wait, till its steady, shit to do, goals to reach, “my plan” is not my destiny. God will test me, but my patience grows weak. A seed i await, to be planted within me, for me, for you, for us, for we. For the day that one plus one equals three. Till death do us part, your last name for me, The thought of it, brings me down to my knees. Lord dont fail me now, hes everything i need.
Girls getting pregnant by guys they barely even know, calllin them their prince charming, damn those disney channel shows. loveydovey kisses and hugs. Deceit lies beneath the sugar coating of i miss you’s, walks on the beach, phone cakin till you sleep. 3 months in and your falling, facebook status changes, life adjusts, ur world revolves around him, and the direction of the spin is not quite determined, but you fall, cause gravity seemed to forget about you, or you.. forgot about it, cause it was quick when he said hi, and you gave in…. and now… your head over heels, and now your carrying his kin… 4 months in…. blastin it in pics, proud of your progression cause u made it to 6 with the same babydaddy you started out with. And then it clicks..9 months in … he still aint say i love you yet. & Reality sets in. Aint that a bitch…